Friends,
Do you enjoy reading a humorous story? I do. I also enjoy writing them. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I could write a totally serious story if my life depended on it. And, as you can imagine, there’s always lots of hilarity aboard a cruise ship. I hope that you’ll get a good laugh out of this very funny anecdote.
Cruise Ship Crime: A Medical Murder Mystery
By Paul Davis, MD
Excerpt from Chapter 11
Tiffany pointed at her.
“That’s Joan, came from Texas. She lost her husband, George, several months ago. He was a very high level mechanic in the oil business and he apparently did very well, financially. I helped her get to and from the medical center for a refill of her blood pressure medicine and she mentioned the passing of her dear departed. She said she’d had him cremated, and brought his ashes with her on the cruise.”
Alan nodded.
“Ah, so I take it that’s . . . George there, ‘facing her’ her, so to speak?”
“Yeah,” Tiffany replied. “She said that she had the urn on the coffee table in her cabin. She asked about scattering him overboard, and I said I’d check with the Captain. These days, there are a bunch of forms we have to file before doing that.”
Alan’s brow wrinkled.
“Really; why what’s the big deal?”
“Oh, it’s all these EPA rules and such. Goodness, people are so worried about industrial waste getting into the ocean; we have a ton of red tape to chop through! I get the feeling that she’s not going to wait. Any thoughts on how I should handle her?”
Before Alan could even form a response, Joan turned the urn over on the table, essentially pouring “him” out on the glass top.
“Eeep!” Tiffany squeaked.
She started to step forward, but Alan held up his hand to stop her. “Hang on a moment; let her be.”
Joan sat there, looking at the ashes while tracing her fingers in them. After a few minutes she started talking to the ashes, “George, you know that TV you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!”
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes again then said, “George, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!”
“Sounds like George made a lot of promises,” Alan whispered, chuckling.
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes, said, “George you know that diamond necklace you promised me? I bought one very similar in the gift shop today, with the insurance money!”
Tiffany nodded and leaned in close to Alan.
“Oh, I heard about that. The scuttlebutt among the crew is that it was the top of the line necklace in the jewelry shop.”
“Wow! – Any idea of its cost?” Alan said.
“More than my house!” Tiffany replied. “Somewhere in the neighborhood of $335,000.”
Alan let out a long, slow whistle. “Double wow! Boy – if he knew how much she’d spent, he’d drop dead again!”
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, Joan said, “George, remember that blow job that I promised you? Well, here it comes!”
And away went George into the Atlantic.
Tiffany squeaked, Alan snorted, and he mashed his lips closed as tight as he could to keep from bursting out laughing. Tiffany’s hands flew to her face, which was turning about three different shades of red. She looked she was about to explode. She started to double over, and Alan grabber her about the waist and rushed her back into the lounge.
Once there, they both bolted for the far war and erupted into all out laughing. Alan held his sides; he was laughing so hard that he was actually hurting his ribs. Tiffany, practically doubled over, kept her hands over her mouth, giggled and squealed with delight, even as the tears began to flow from her eyes.
“Oh, what a sight, what a story!” she finally managed to say. 
Alan, finally calming down, slowly nodded. “I agree. I’m going to be getting drinks off that one for quite a while!”
From the elegant cruise ship, The Contessa, to the destitute countries of West Africa, this page-turner promises a wild ride filled with greedy villains, hilarious hazards, conflicted heroes, mind-bending puzzles and a promise to keep readers on the edge of their seats. -Joan Atkinson, Reviewer, Toronto, ON
Cruise Ship Crime Mysteries 